Post by psychonaut on Jun 10, 2015 13:08:11 GMT -8
I vaped 5-MEO-DMT September 24, 2014. It was in the context of a ceremony with an experienced shaman and several people holding space. I was an atheist so I thought the preliminary ceremony was unnecessary and annoying, but I was willing to sit thorough it to get to the medicine I hoped would help me heal. I had been told that it was important to surrender my ego to the medicine and say "yes" to whatever comes up. I didn't have much trouble surrendering my ego. I have a history of depression so I didn't mind a vacation from myself. I had considered suicide many times in my life. I just wanted my suffering to end.
I was asked for my intention for the ceremony. I didn't see the point; I thought the medicine was just going to do its thing and it didn't matter what I wanted. In the moment on a whim I said that I wanted to get rid of my emotional baggage. I received exactly that. Talk about a lesson in personal power!
I "saw" what appeared to be a galaxy with a bright light in the center. I knew intuitively that that is where souls go when we die and where they come from when they're born. I felt intense unconditional love coming at me. It felt like a perpetual orgasm. It was so intense that I felt like I couldn't take it. I had difficulty accepting the love. I felt as if I didn't deserve it. I remember at one point going to each person in the circle, looking them in the eye, and saying "yes." i was looking for support. Each person would repeat "yes" to me, but I felt like the medicine was wearing off. I asked for more medicine and it was given to me. Soon after that I threw up twice. The shaman said, "there's your baggage." It felt so good. I was fascinated by looking into people's eyes. I could see *something* (outer space? their soul?) I don't normally see. I went to the shaman and just stared and stared into his eyes.
Over the next couple of weeks I continued to heal. Something was guiding me in healthy directions. It was very emotional; often I was overcome with joy and would burst into tears. I felt like I had come in contact with my higher self, and that I was God (we all are) and that I had the power to shape my reality with my will. I could feel energy coming out of my hands. I could feel my chakras. Over the next few days I was having epiphany after epiphany.
I didn't sleep much for the next 3 or 4 nights. I couldn't stop thinking. When I finally did manage to get to sleep one night I woke up in samadhi at 2 am and remembered being an embryo in my mother's womb. Warm, safe protected,beloved.... I felt the intense love from both of my parents as my father caressed my mother's belly and held her... Actually it was less like remembering and more like actually being there. My heart was pounding.
Another night I awoke at 2 am and couldn't sleep. I went to an altar I had set up the day before and started crying. I was praying for help. My jaw was chattering like crazy. I had been a jaw clencher all my life. This is where I carried tension. All of a sudden my jaw stopped chattering and the tension was gone.
Once I fell into the old habit of mentally berating myself, a voice in my mind said, "Beloved, we don't do that any more." I called her Sophia. Over time the voice in my head stopped and my old habits started creeping back. I felt abandoned and sad. I had been seeing an acupuncturist for help with integration, and he said to me, "The medicine shows you the path, but it doesn't do the work for you." He also said that "once a child knows how to walk, the parent stops carrying him."
I hadn't believed in acupuncture before, either but I realized I didn't know anything after taking 5-MEO so I was willing to try it. It worked so well for me during integration; I had some strange experiences during acupuncture. I could feel the current of energy when he would put the last needle in. Once during a session I felt something move in my solar plexus and I saw a bright flash of yellow light. The acupuncture has made it much easier to breathe than it's ever been in my life. In high school I was diagnosed with "restrictive airways" and given an inhaler. I've always had trouble breathing, especially during exercise. That is why exercise has always been so scary and unpleasant for me. I feel like I can't get enough air and I start to panic and ruminate on how much I hate exercise.
In the weeks after the medicine, I lost the ability to bullshit myself and my addictions and compulsions lost much of their charm. I admitted I had a marijuana addiction and started attending Marijuana Anonymous meetings (although I've since decided that I might not want to give it up completely and that that organization is not for me). My use has decreased substantially. My eating disorder vanished for the first couple of weeks. I was very present when I would eat and I enjoyed my food as a sensual experience. I ate less and enjoyed it more. I became clear about some problems in my marriage that I had been ignoring and I began to take action. I started a business to earn money I wanted. I felt much more empowered.
I've learned to trust my intuition and pay more attention to my feelings. I understand that they are my spirit's way of communicating with me. Overall, the medicine helped me greatly and I can't wait to explore all kinds of psychedelics. I'm grateful to have found Soul Remedy. I wish I could afford to do medicine more often. It's been almost a year and I feel like I haven't made much progress with my food/body image issues.
I feel like once I figure out my own problems I'd love to help others do the same. I think there's a lot of work ahead of me before I can do that, and I don't know what form it will take.
I was asked for my intention for the ceremony. I didn't see the point; I thought the medicine was just going to do its thing and it didn't matter what I wanted. In the moment on a whim I said that I wanted to get rid of my emotional baggage. I received exactly that. Talk about a lesson in personal power!
I "saw" what appeared to be a galaxy with a bright light in the center. I knew intuitively that that is where souls go when we die and where they come from when they're born. I felt intense unconditional love coming at me. It felt like a perpetual orgasm. It was so intense that I felt like I couldn't take it. I had difficulty accepting the love. I felt as if I didn't deserve it. I remember at one point going to each person in the circle, looking them in the eye, and saying "yes." i was looking for support. Each person would repeat "yes" to me, but I felt like the medicine was wearing off. I asked for more medicine and it was given to me. Soon after that I threw up twice. The shaman said, "there's your baggage." It felt so good. I was fascinated by looking into people's eyes. I could see *something* (outer space? their soul?) I don't normally see. I went to the shaman and just stared and stared into his eyes.
Over the next couple of weeks I continued to heal. Something was guiding me in healthy directions. It was very emotional; often I was overcome with joy and would burst into tears. I felt like I had come in contact with my higher self, and that I was God (we all are) and that I had the power to shape my reality with my will. I could feel energy coming out of my hands. I could feel my chakras. Over the next few days I was having epiphany after epiphany.
I didn't sleep much for the next 3 or 4 nights. I couldn't stop thinking. When I finally did manage to get to sleep one night I woke up in samadhi at 2 am and remembered being an embryo in my mother's womb. Warm, safe protected,beloved.... I felt the intense love from both of my parents as my father caressed my mother's belly and held her... Actually it was less like remembering and more like actually being there. My heart was pounding.
Another night I awoke at 2 am and couldn't sleep. I went to an altar I had set up the day before and started crying. I was praying for help. My jaw was chattering like crazy. I had been a jaw clencher all my life. This is where I carried tension. All of a sudden my jaw stopped chattering and the tension was gone.
Once I fell into the old habit of mentally berating myself, a voice in my mind said, "Beloved, we don't do that any more." I called her Sophia. Over time the voice in my head stopped and my old habits started creeping back. I felt abandoned and sad. I had been seeing an acupuncturist for help with integration, and he said to me, "The medicine shows you the path, but it doesn't do the work for you." He also said that "once a child knows how to walk, the parent stops carrying him."
I hadn't believed in acupuncture before, either but I realized I didn't know anything after taking 5-MEO so I was willing to try it. It worked so well for me during integration; I had some strange experiences during acupuncture. I could feel the current of energy when he would put the last needle in. Once during a session I felt something move in my solar plexus and I saw a bright flash of yellow light. The acupuncture has made it much easier to breathe than it's ever been in my life. In high school I was diagnosed with "restrictive airways" and given an inhaler. I've always had trouble breathing, especially during exercise. That is why exercise has always been so scary and unpleasant for me. I feel like I can't get enough air and I start to panic and ruminate on how much I hate exercise.
In the weeks after the medicine, I lost the ability to bullshit myself and my addictions and compulsions lost much of their charm. I admitted I had a marijuana addiction and started attending Marijuana Anonymous meetings (although I've since decided that I might not want to give it up completely and that that organization is not for me). My use has decreased substantially. My eating disorder vanished for the first couple of weeks. I was very present when I would eat and I enjoyed my food as a sensual experience. I ate less and enjoyed it more. I became clear about some problems in my marriage that I had been ignoring and I began to take action. I started a business to earn money I wanted. I felt much more empowered.
I've learned to trust my intuition and pay more attention to my feelings. I understand that they are my spirit's way of communicating with me. Overall, the medicine helped me greatly and I can't wait to explore all kinds of psychedelics. I'm grateful to have found Soul Remedy. I wish I could afford to do medicine more often. It's been almost a year and I feel like I haven't made much progress with my food/body image issues.
I feel like once I figure out my own problems I'd love to help others do the same. I think there's a lot of work ahead of me before I can do that, and I don't know what form it will take.
