Can't wait to hear about your experiences working with Ketamine this way! I am mostly into plant work, but I know MAPS has been looking into this and I know Ketamine is a very powerful substance.
Ketamine was first made for humans - it was made as a battle-field anesthetic for dressing serious wounds. They used it in Vietnam on soldiers, but then stopped when they discovered is caused visions and some soldiers started using it for other purposes. PCP actually has a similar medical history.
I think I would rather have ketamine over the electric shock therapy - EST sounds rough!
But I am glad to hear that this is helping you and that you are working with it in a safe setting. Ketamine can be dangerous if used irresponsibly, so I think it is very good to have a doctor involved with this one.
Sounds very encouraging so far and this is the response that around 70% of people with treatment-resistant depression experience with ketamine whether it be given intravenously,intramuscularly,subcutaneously, intranasally,sublingually or orally. The recently released book "Ketamine for Depression" goes in this field in detail. I'd be very interested to hear how things go for you in the longer term but the likelihood of a good outcome after this positive early response is very high.
I've talked to you about that guy before - and we both know you cannot interact with him if you want to be happy in life. He is a poison and a horrible person with nothing good to offer. Old habits only die hard when you refuse to kill them - they can die real easy if you make up your mind.
I would send him a private email and just say that if you find he makes any money from the song he stole that you will sue him. It is a crime to steal a chord progression and a crime to steal lyrics, and a crime to steal both at the same time. He can make any excuses he wants but that doesnt change the law. It would actually be awesome if he makes money from it, because you could sue him and he would have to give all that money to you plus pay layer fees. Copyright law is very specific and easy to enforce. Many lawyers focus on it specifically. You dont need to argue with him about it one bit - just warn him, and then lawyer up if he doesnt listen. No arguing necessary - lawyers will handle it better then words in this case.
If you ever played the song for other people, they can testify that you wrote it in the past - if you dont have older recordings of the song.
You dont need to put anger in your message if you send him one, and keep it brief, simple and to the point. Theft and plagiarism are illegal and any money he makes from your song you will take from him in court - and you will thank him for the paycheck. Stand up for yourself, and at the same time dont worry about him because he cannot hurt you. Only you can hurt yourself by inviting him into your life. In this situation you are really the one with all the power as long as you dont give your power away to him.
I would never for any reason have any other contact with him besides that though, unless of course you want to hurt yourself and make your life harder (which I know deep down you dont). You already know this - do what you know is best for yourself. You will feel better moving on without him.
Glad the therapy helped though - I can tell you are responding better to this then you would in the past. I dont usually like to tell people what to do, but in this case you really need to cut ties with this person unless you are seeing him in court to get paid for your song.
Ignoring him seems much easier then offing yourself to me.... No need for him in your life at all. There are many other people where you live I think
Ever look into meetup.com? You find special interest groups there, such as a hiking group, or a plant group, or a spirituality group, or a music playing group ect.... Might not be any cool ones by you but I bet there are a few... I started hosting a Plant Medicine Discussion Group through a meetup group and some of my best friends now I have met through that group... Might be worth looking into.
This seems like a pattern for you - the way you keep yourself sick. I understand if you want to switch this to private conversation - so if you want I can delete this comment and we can talk there, but I think this thread should stay up. Lets people know the challenges of this therapy.
Just because this therapy doesnt work for you doesnt mean it wont work for others though - I have been researching it a bit since you started the thread and found multiple accounts of people it worked for.
I mentioned the pattern you use to keep yourself sick.... You get so excited about something fixing you and when it gets hard you run from it and blame the medication. No medicine can fix you though - it can only aid your process. It's still your process and up to you. You will defeat yourself with comments like "I must surrender to the pain that saturates my meaningless existence." You dont have to surrender to anything - you just want to surrender because you like feeling sorry for yourself and healing is hard.
Took me years and a lot of determination to heal my depression.... It is not an easy or short process. I see you making progress though. But whenever you take 3 steps forward you get discouraged and take 2 steps backwards.... Seems like you want to take 2 steps backwards again by the way you are talking and posting it here to get attention. This is part of why your process is taking so long - you are making it real hard on yourself. But overall I would say you are in a better place then you were 2 years ago. You go back and forth but I see you moving forward just a little bit more then you move backward lately....
I hope you find your determination again. We both know that deep down under the pain.... You love yourself and you want some joy and peace in your life.
I think you need a plum.
Maybe you got what you can from this therapy and maybe it is time to move on... But that doesnt mean there wasnt any progress or benefit. Just time for the next phase - maybe something with less addictive potential. You might ask your doctor about scopalamine patches (only take this under a doctor though) - it is a powerful antidepressant from the datura plant which doctors prescribe for motion sickness. Maybe small doses of legal Amanita Muscaria or Salvia Divinorum would be an option - neither is addictive and Salvia especially has some similarities to Ketamine (just not addictive or dangerous). Doing small doses of either would not be psychedelic - more like a daily tonic. I dont recommend you do larger doses of psychedelics on your own till you feel more stable or at least have a trusted guide.
Or maybe move on to a treatment without psychedelics.... Maybe just focus on yourself and doing good things to improve your life for a while - meditate, eat healthy, exorcise, chase a dream or even find some work that doesnt bring you down.... Travel a little or spend time in nature. Or maybe you feel called to traditional treatment with a doctor again....
I know you have made progress. Dont let an obstacle in the way discourage you so much. There will always be obstacles and healing isnt easy but dont make it harder on yourself. You are incredibly talented, have a loving family and you are a great guy. I love you and hope you continue your healing journey in some way - just time to change the method up and try the next road.
I hope you dont. A lot of people love you and I know deep down that isnt what you want. You have a lot to live for and a lot to enjoy in this world and a lot to offer this world. You are a really great guy - I hope you get to understand that sometime. If I could show you the Winston I see I would.
Glad to hear that Winston. Healing is hard work but definitely worth it. Eventually you do get to a point where it is easier to have a more positive perspective.... Life isnt necessarily easier but you enjoy it more which makes it seem easier. I know you will get there - you are determined enough.
Glad the doctor is still working with you too. Seems like you were seeing progress there and I think it is helpful for you to have a more traditional route your parents can relate to better - I think their support is important for you.
Thank you for sharing your process here and being real. I love you. Take care of yourself Winston.